I got a call a few weeks ago from a friend of mine.

“The rabbit died.” She sounded distressed.

“Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Not that rabbit, you idiot! My rabbit vibrator.”

“Did you try replacing the batteries?” That may seem like a stupid question – but believe me – I know more people who thought something was wrong with their vibrators when, in actuality, it was just fatigue! Nothing 4 AA batteries wouldn’t cure.

“Yes, I replaced the batteries. It looks like the penis part may be coming off the base. After all, he’s over two years old.”

“Well, two or three years of constant use – that’ll do it. But if it’s any comfort at all, we have hundreds of new vibrators to choose from on Blissable.com.”

“I know,” she said. “That’s not the problem. The problem is, how do I dispose of it?”

Ahhh, the dilemma! My friend is a staunch environmentalist. All electronic items must be recycled. She’s one of those select few who know that there are seven different types of plastic goods. She religiously separates her trash into three bins. And, she goes to a recycling center drop point and brings her electronic goods (including batteries) to be recycled.

So, I checked our City’s policy on recycling items accepted… computers monitors, printers, scanners, laptops, modems, televisions, VCRs, DVD players, radios & stereos, cassette players, CD players, telephone systems, fax machines, cell phones, PDAs, cables, pagers, microwaves, video games, electronic toys and more!

“See, electronic toys. It qualifies.”

“I’d die of embarrassment.”

“Can’t you drop it off at the site anonymously?” I asked.

“No, they check the items when you drop off.”

“Well, then, just throw it in the trash.”

“That would be wrong.”

“Well, look Ms. Goody Two-Shoes,” my patience thinning, “stick it in a shoe box and bury it in your back yard. We’ll have a service and everything. You can say your goodbyes and be done with it. I’m sure it won’t be found until after you’re long gone.”

She agreed.

Did I mention she has a dog? We’ll call him Fido to protect the innocent. One day, Fido was out in the backyard with my friend’s new boyfriend. Fido apparently loves to find buried treasures. He loves to dig them out -- right out of the ground! The more hidden, the better. And once the treasure has been revealed, Fido likes to strut around with it.

Got the visual?

Somehow, my friend was a little more forgiving when Fido played “catch me if you can!” with the dead birds or rats that he’s found in the past.

Long story short, looks like Fido is in the doghouse (as am I!), the neighbors are still talking and the boyfriend is still laughing.

If it were me, I would have stuck that dead rabbit in a brown paper bag and thrown it in the regular trash cart and said, "NEXT!"

Lauren Meister is President of Blissable.com
and writer of the new column, Sex in the 21st C

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