From sexinfo

Some gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex people choose to keep their sexual orientation/identity a secret, while others choose to “come out of the closet.” “Coming out” is a process of revealing one’s sexuality and/or one’s gender identity to the outside world; and it is a continuous process because people need to decide over and over if and how to disclose this personal information about themselves to new friends and acquaintances. The process itself can be very stressful because the person who is coming out never knows just how the people who are receiving the news are going to react. However, there are things a person can do to make the process as pleasant and smooth as possible.

The first thing to think about is to whom should a person come out. Some people choose to come out first to close relatives like parents, because they seek their parents’ approval. Some choose to come out to trusted friends because good friends are compassionate. But it can be different with every case. It is important to for people to ask themselves who is it that they want their true sexuality and/or gender identity to be known to. Is their family open-minded about sexual variance? Are their friends? Some people only come out to family because they don’t want to risk discrimination at work, and others come out at work because they don’t think that their family is going to have a tolerant attitude. There are also people who first come out to support groups -- is a good idea because others in the support group will be non-judgmental and this is a chance to practice coming out.

The next step is to choose when and where to come out. In most cases the person who receives this information does not expect it, so therefore, it is wise not to come out in a tense or stressful situation – such as before a test or in the middle of an argument. Instead, choose a time when the other person is calm, and when both sides have more than a few minutes to talk. This way both parties can think clearly and not say anything that they don’t mean, due to external factors that have little to do with the matter at hand.

It is important for people who are coming out to be true to their true selves, fully accepting who they are, and remembering that they are entitled the freedom to express their sexuality just like any other person. It is important to realize that people who are receiving this type of information may not handle the news well: Some may react with curiously or love; but others may react furiously or with disappointment. When bad things happen, the person who is coming out should not feel isolated because no one has to go through this alone! There are many support groups and hotlines out there that can help a person through this. Support groups and hotlines may suggest a therapist or counselor for professional support. However, people who are coming often get a pleasant surprise when they discover that their loved ones are extremely supportive. And of course, sometimes it might not even be news to them at all! Maybe they had known it for a while.

For more information on sexual and gender diversity please check out the UCSB’s Resource Center on Sexual & Gender Diversity.

For more interesting reading, visit the UCSB SexInfo website... go to http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/

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