From www.sex-info.info

Sensate focus is a therapy that is commonly used to treat sexual problems such as anorgasmia, erectile difficulty, and hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Namely, it can help both females and males who have a hard time becoming sexually excited and reaching orgasm. This technique is designed to reduce anxieties about reaching orgasm by focusing more on what feels good to you and your partner. People often mistakenly believe that the "goal" of sex is to reach orgasm. When individuals get anxious about reaching that goal, they often miss out on the joys of simply being with their partner and taking their time to experiment with touching and feeling many parts of their partner’s body.

Sensate focus is designed to increase communication between partners: Each person gets the opportunity to slowly explore touching their partner’s body, listening to their partner as he or she tells what feels best. This technique is not limited to sexual therapy and problems: Couples can participate in sensate focus at any time to strengthen their relationship, communication skills, and rediscover each other.

How to Practice Sensate Focus

The first step to practicing sensate focus is to set up the right environment. A couple might use candles, play soft music, and do whatever makes them relax and feel comfortable. Couples should undress, with one partner lying down on a bed in a comfortable position. Let us assume that the couple is heterosexual, though the technique works equally well for homosexual couples. Let us also assume that the woman takes the role of the "toucher," thought she and her partner will switch roles later. First, the woman begins to explore her partner’s body as he lies on his stomach, back, or side. The "toucher" should not try to sexually arouse her partner. She should merely explore, touching many parts of his body, noticing the textures and sensitivities of his body. During the early phases of sensate focus, the "toucher" does not try to sexually arouse her partner, hence eliminating the element of performance anxiety and the pressure of reaching the goal of orgasm. The partner who is lying down should make suggestions to the "toucher," telling her what feels good and what is uncomfortable for him. After doing this sensate focus exercise for several minutes, the partners switch roles, and now the man touches many parts of the woman’s body.

The first few times that a couple practices sensate focus they should not touch the breasts and genitals or attempt to engage in intercourse. Couples may also participate in simultaneous sensate focus, where each partner touches the other at the same time. After several sessions of sensate focus, both partners are allowed to begin touching their lover’s breasts and genitals. As each explores the other’s body, good communication helps each learn what their partner likes best. Over time both will gain skill in stimulation the other in more exciting ways than they knew before doing sensate focus. These new skills tend to increase the sexual excitement of love making and solve the problems of becoming aroused and reaching orgasm. As each partner learns what is most pleasurable to their significant other, they can incorporate what they have learned into their sexual encounters on a regular basis—and continue exploring various sexual positions and types of stimulation.

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